"I am Death, destroyer of worlds." -Susan B. Anthony
I cannot identify the bloodied bodies of my loved ones. They were killed whilst watching a new television show on the MTV network, one where Kim Kardashian is chased through woodland by a giant bear wearing a mask which carries the visage of recently deceased film director Michael Winner.
The bear has apparently not qualified for a workplace pension and is angry with Daniel Day Lewis for what he perceives as the relative lack of action in There Will Be Blood.
…Anyway, after twenty minutes of panic running around intercut with interviews with friends and other celebrities, the production team behind the show all simultaneously come to the same horrifying conclusion: their waste of the precious gift of life which has been given to them by science.
They start attacking themselves with the nearest available objects, breaking off camera tripods to ram them bloodily into each other’s eyes, climbing up the highest branches of trees to fall face down on to the pulsing earth, the whole time shrieking and screaming with the sudden primal vigour of lost souls who have forgotten language and seem intent on shouting their black hearts from their grey, semi erect chests."