and now, the debut of my new musical “Put My Grade Back Where It Was Before My Final Or So Help Me”
Anonymous: I used to like this guy, who broke my heart two years ago, but I still think about him sometimes, despite the fact that I moved away a year ago. He broke my heart, and I'm pretty sure he knew about it. He's a jerk, but somehow, I still have feelings for him. After he broke my heart, I've tried to avoid him. Recently, he sent me a chat on facebook asking me to send him letters so I can be his "penal". what do you think I should do? I'm sorry if this is a stupid question.
No question is a stupid question as far as personal matters are concerned.
I’m not sure about some important elements of the story, so I’m not well-equipped to give you the best advice here. But from what I can tell based on the details you gave me and the diction you used, I think you know the answer already. It may be tempting, but if this guy broke your heart and is a potentially toxic influence in your life you have every right (and dare I say a responsibility to yourself) to excise him from your life. It is certainly possible that he doesn’t fully recognize the pain he put you through and thus thinks you can be friends now, but the only person who can determine if you two are ready for that step is you. You owe him nothing, let alone your letters and companionship. The important thing is not whether he’s okay; it’s that you’re okay. And if you don’t feel comfortable with it now, then you should hold off on it until you are ready (or forever, if you don’t think his companionship is meant for you in the long haul).
I too really liked someone a few years ago, and for a long time I thought it would go somewhere but disappointingly it didn’t. My heart was broken and hers didn’t seem so. After a period of angst and one last moment of contact in which I explained why I felt hurt and admitted appropriate responsibility for the mistakes I made, I cut off contact with her. Because I got some closure, I felt better equipped to handle a future without her. It wasn’t easy because I had really liked her for a long long time, but I have since moved on and feel much better about the whole situation. I’d say that as long as you get the closure you feel you need, it will benefit you in the long-run to cut off that contact (or at least avoid extra contact with him and turn down the offer to become “penals”). You deserve better than the what he has given you, and whether or not the falling-out reflects on his personal flaws, you need to maximize your happiness and keep him out of your life so long as it feels like a threat or detriment to your happiness.
Thank you for the question, and sorry for the late response.
EDIT: I forgot to mention, it’s okay that you still think of him sometimes. I do that with the girl I used to like too, sometimes. You can’t blame yourself for that or think too much of it—it’s just a natural part of the acceptance process after some tragedy or heartbreak.The key to moving on is not denying their importance to you in a part of your past, it’s recognizing that your present and future can be just as good without them.
I have some hardcore dislike for many aspects of Legend of Korra’s second season, but I will nevertheless I feel totally lost without new episodes to keep me going. Why do you do this to me, Bryke.
Anonymous: I've never "asked" anyone this, so I guess you must seem pretty trustworthy. Anyway, I really don't like anyone in my school, and I'm miserable. I guess I have a few friends, but it's more like a passive-agressive relationship than it is friendship. And I don't know. It's just sometimes I feel a little down about it. How would you deal with this? Thanks.
My own example is probably not one to follow as much as learn from. I spent the majority of my life without dependable or healthy friendships, and I think it has affected me for the worse. So I understand where you are coming from.
My advice? First, discover the joy of solitude but admit it should not be a long-term replacement for friendships. This will help support you when your friends aren’t there for you, and also help you make new friends. When you are comfortable hanging alone with yourself you can become comfortable with yourself, and it’s only when you’re comfortable with yourself that you can form comfortable friendships with others. When you are comfortable with yourself—accepting your flaws and admitting your strengths—you will be able to find other people to identify with.
My mistake was to avoid self-acceptance and seek friendship by changing my personality to the social circumstances, which confused my sense of self and made me unsure of who I was even at my most sincere. Embrace your personality traits and interests and seek out people who complement them. Be brave and seek out clubs, groups, and social situations where you might meet the sort of people you can get along with. Believe me, there will be more than you expect.
And know that you ALWAYS have the right to cut off any social relationships that are toxic or harmful, and that you deserve better than the passive-aggressive pseudofriendships you’ve gotten in. Stay strong. Keep on keeping on. And know in the end your social and emotional predicaments will get better, and will only improve faster the more you try your best to fix them.
Hope that helps.
Anonymous: what do you think of the song blurred lines?
Of course I have huge problems with its degrading and thoughtless lyrics and the seedy objectification in its music video. (It’s become all the more potent since an acquaintance of mine was assaulted in the midst of the popular craze about this song.)
However, this song and its subject matter are nothing new. The biggest problem with Blurred Lines—the one that sets it apart from songs with similar subject matter—is Robin Thicke’s perception of it.
Those who defend Blurred Lines will tell people “Robin Thicke is making a joke, relax”, but Robin Thicke himself defends it as something far more than a joke. He even went on a hugely public stage where all men and women of America could see him (the Today Show) and declared his song to be “a feminist movement within itself”. Not only does he fail to publicly admit the misogyny in his song, he openly claims it empowers women.
However, he is a huge hypocrite even in that claim of innocence. He stated the song was OK because he got his “wife’s permission” to release it (I wonder if he viewed that permission as a blurred line too). There are 2 problems with this:
Robin Thicke went to huge media outlets of both print and television to defend his abominable song and inflate its so-called “feminist” message despite his implicit admission (revealed when he asked his wife’s permission) that it was possibly offensive and misogynistic. In contradicting himself, Robin Thicke reveals his true nature as a guy who will acknowledge his lyrics as misogynistic but release the song anyways because he wanted money for his vapid groove, later making hypocritical and morally-backwards excuses for his selfish actions.
He is a metaphorical white bro who laughingly shouts “niggers” in a crowd and defends himself by saying “my one black friend said it was okay for me to say!” when the black people around him get understandably offended.
Robin Thicke completely fails to acknowledge the place of huge privilege he comes from—privilege that morally denies him the right to haphazardly throw around and profit from speech that degrades an already-downtrodden demographic, and especially denies him the right to defend his selfish actions as empowering to those it degrades.
Anonymous: how to you reject people without hurting their feelings? 1. This girl wants me to join her club, but I'm not really into it since it's a Christian club, and I'm agnostic, lol. 2. This guy is asking me to homecoming, but I don't really want to go with him. We're great friends, and I don't want to ruin our friendship. Thank you. I think you give great advice, so that's why I'm asking you. ^^
Getting rent money from an unyielding asshole of a sublessor is just ridiculously stressful. I am this close to just exploding in a cataclysmic rage at his ignorance of legal contracts, screaming “yield dumbass, yield" and smacking him in the face repeatedly with my empty wallet
Rewatched Hard Candy. Still awesome. It disturbs me, however, that so many people sympathize with Jeff, especially considering the incriminating revelation near the end of the film. Having childhood trauma and a broken heart can awaken disturbing urges in the mind, definitely, but it’s pretty evident by the end of the movie that Jeff had crossed the serious moral line between coping with one’s darkest urges and actively indulging them at the expense of others.